Returning to work: A cycle of emotions

It’s been almost three months since I returned to work after my back-to-back maternity and parental leaves. This journey so far has been a whirlwind of emotions – excitement, overwhelm, anxiety, and gratitude – each taking its turn. As I settle back into my routine, I’ve come to recognize this as a cycle, one that seems to define the process of reintegrating into work and life.

Excitement

First and foremost, I am genuinely excited to be back at work. I’ve missed the lively conversations with my colleagues, the collaborative energy of shared projects, and the precious intellectual moments spent reading, listening, and writing. Before my leave, I also transitioned into my new role as Head, Metadata and Processing at my institution. Each member of the team is incredibly professional and talented, and I was eager to return and collaborate with them on exciting projects.

Overwhelm

However, as the initial excitement settled, I began to feel overwhelmed by the demands of my new role. There is no external pressure – just my own sense of urgency, feeling that I need to act immediately. Balancing the process of getting to know the team, navigating changes, understanding cultural norms, and diving into so many interesting topics left me feeling like I am constantly playing catch-up, struggling to keep pace, and forgetting things along the way.

Anxiety

Naturally, all of this led to a growing sense of anxiety. I find myself constantly worrying that I am making countless mistakes along the way. I feel lost, as if I don’t truly understand what’s happening or know enough to contribute effectively. Adding to this, I can’t shake the guilt of bothering my colleagues by asking the same questions repeatedly. On top of that, as I gather new information, my initial thoughts on certain matters have shifted - or I end up sharing something prematurely – which leaves me worried about confusing those around me.

Gratefulness

Despite my growing anxiety, I can’t help but feel deeply grateful. My colleagues have been incredibly supportive, reassuring me with kind words like, “it’s ok” and “take your time.” They’ve shown patience and willingness to help, even when I’ve asked the same questions more than once. I am also thankful for my team and supervisor who understand my new situation and has given me the flexibility to work during unconventional hours.

I recognize that this cycle of emotions will stay with me for a while, and that’s okay. I may sometimes feel like I am asking questions that seem obvious or irrelevant, but I believe it’s always better to ask than to stay silent. As I continue to navigate this journey, I look forward to sharing more stories in 2025!